Potty Training With a Diaper On Backfires

Here’s the deal. We cannot fault or reprimand a child for using their diaper how it’s intended to be used. Diapers are for containing poop and pee. So, if one part of you feels ready to potty train, but the other part of you is continuing to put your child in a diaper, then there is a disonance which will play out in the form of your child feeling just as confused as you are.

We cannot have our cake and eat it too. Keeping our children in diapers to help contain accidents while we simultaneously potty train them sounds nice in theory, but all it actually does it show them we are not actually 100% committed or serious about getting them out of diapers. It also teaches them that it is sometimes okay to pee and poop in a diaper and other times not, but it’s not clear when or why that is.

It’s not uncommon as a consultant for me to hear from parents that they are disappointed or frustrated that their child pooped or peed in their diaper instead of the toilet. The thing is, the child has been conditioned to treat the diaper like a toilet alternative, and ultimately we the parents are the ones who decide when and whether the diaper goes on and comes off. So, can we really blame our child for treating the diaper like a diaper? No.

This is why I do not recommend the “casual approach” to potty training, which involves a slow, gradual and casual introduction to the toilet while still in diapers. Be prepared for this to take weeks to months.

Healthy and strong boundaries are not only key in parenting but also potty training. Parenting and potty training go hand-in-hand. With potty training, I’ve found it’s healthiest and safest to rip the bandaid. Firm, but with love. Dragging this process out for weeks to months without firm, loving boundaries creates all sorts of confusion and casualness that can often trickle into other facets of toddlerhood and parenting which creates a power imbalance.

Potty training with 100% commitment and intentionality from Day 1 can feel daunting, but remember; so much of this is about our mindset going into it. It’s simple, but not always easy. I’d love to work with you if you feel stuck in a rut with casual, 50/50 potty training.