What does being “ready” even mean, anyway?!

We’ve all heard the popular expression. You know the one. “I’m going to wait until he’s ‘ready.’” It’s fair to say everyone will have a slightly different interpretation of those telltale “signs of readiness,” however there are some objective truths we should not shy away from.

Society wants us to believe that one day our toddlers will just wake up, rip the diaper off, and tell us that they are finally ready and eager to start pooping and peeing in the toilet. In fact, I bet you may have even heard a friend or family member suggest that this very situation occurred with their own child. This scenario is by far the exception if not the rule.

While it may feel confronting to reframe the topic of “readiness,” I like to flip the script and ask parents whether they in their heart of hearts feel ready for their child to be out of diapers. It’s good to pause and reflect on how ready you feel because our children are our mirrors, our children will match our genuine level of readiness during the potty training process. If they sense we are skeptical, dubious, or lukewarm, you can bet they will embody these sentiments. Our mindset (our real one, not our mask) walking into the potty training process is everything.

So, often it’s actually a matter of parental readiness, not child readiness. Because the truth is, if a child is between 18-30 months old, odds are they are ready. Here’s an important caveat though: if a child is younger than 22 months old, the potty training process will likely take closer to one month, particularly if you are starting from ground zero with no prior EC (elimination communication) exposure. That said, a much younger toddler in the 18-21 month range is fully capable of using the toilet. It typically just takes longer and requires more adult assistance at first. If you have the time, patience, presence and flexibilty to potty train a toddler younger than 22 months, I do recommend it as having done it myself. However, please do not psyche yourself out if your schedule is not conducive to this feat. It’s best to wait until at least 22 months, realistically, especially with two full-time working parents.

Aggressive marketing tactics spewed from greedy Big Diaper have led to children remaining in diapers well past readiness. The national average for the age at which a child is out of diapers is currently 3.5 years old, whereas prior to the introduction of the disposable diaper in 1962, the average age a child was potty trained was 18 months old. So, what happened?

Pampers paid pediatrician T Berry Brazelton to publish a study which encouraged mothers to take a “child-oriented” approach to potty training and wait for signs of readiness. It’s a totally unscientific study which I encourage you to read for yourself if you like to nerd out on this sort of this.

So, what are some signs aside from the sweet-spot age range of 20-30 months you can look for to determine whether your child is capable of being toilet trained?

Can your child walk?

Can your child ask for something?

Can your child throw a fit for someone he/she wants?

Believe it or not, “readiness” is about as simple as that. In fact, it’s actually completely possible to potty train a child who is non-verbal. Some children sign and other times parents will simply recognize their child’s unique poop or pee dance and assist with prompting.

Let’s put the potty training milestone in perspective with other milestones such as starting solids. Depending on whom you ask and their philosophies, typically there is a range for starting solids of aound 4-6 months old. However, we don’t wait for our children to tell us with their words that they are ready to eat. They will usually show signs such as reaching for food. However, even if they don’t necessarily show these signs, there is typically a cutoff date where we will place food in front of them anyway to encourage them to try a few bites. Of course their interest in the food is icing on the cake, however we know we are gradually working our way up to three meals per day and that process won’t happen overnight. Even if you follow the BLW (baby-led weaning) approach, you the parent will still take the lead by placing food on your baby’s plate in front of your baby, so there is some level of adult initiation.

All that is to say, if you have a toddler-aged child, they are ready to ditch the diapers! Capitalize on this opportunity. The younger they are, typically the more of a learning curve it is, and the older they are (hello, individuation!), then the more challenging behavior you will encounter.

In our jam-packed schedules crammed back-to-back with activities and events, it can feel impossible to carve out more than a weekend to dedicate to this rite of passage, however trust me. It is worth it. I’d love to meet so we can devise a realistic plan and get your little one out of diapers regardless of whether this is your first rodeo or you’ve tricked all the other programs.